Something Ohhhh, Something New!

Happy New Year! It's been quite some time since I blogged, but I decided to come back and see if it still suited me.


Last week, on December 29th to be exact, I decided to try something different to celebrate my birthday. I decided that for the seven days following it I would do something I really wanted to do or have always wanted to do, or go someplace I have never gone before. I made a conscious effort to achieve this goal (okay a few days I was completely stretching to check off something new that I had done...but those days usually started with a plan that eventually went awry). What did I do you ask? Well it ranged from going to a dive of a diner near my house (which I will probably never enter again, but the food was decent), to spending a holiday in a new place with new people, to having a mother-daughter movie date with just the two of us for the first time ever : ) Now having done it, I must say that it felt really good. Actually I enjoyed the prospect of doing something new so much I think I will extend it throughout the entire year. So every day this year that I am off from work, I will try something new!

Now I don't want you to think that I was closed off to new experiences before. Really, I just found that I haven't been giving myself a chance to do the things I long to do. And considering the fact that I spend so much time working and taking care of whatever other responsibilities I have on my plate, when I have free time I want to maximize my enjoyment of that time. Now that does not mean that I won't sometimes just lay around and read a book, watch television or go to the mall, because I certainly do all of that. It just means that I like having the opportunity to do something out of the ordinary, even if it's just eating somewhere different.

I read a post on facebook a few months back which said that researchers found the key to people's happiness was having new experiences. That struck a chord with me because I know how often I think of the paths I haven't traveled, the places I haven't been. There's always that place I see and I say "Ohhh, I've always wanted to go there, oooh I've always wanted to try that", and for whatever reason it just never seems to happen. And thinking about it won't get me there, only stepping outside of the realm of if only, what if, I wish, and why didn't I, only that will get me there. Instead of just passing by that place that looks so inviting, I'm going to turn around and walk in. There is a new adventure around every corner and I can enjoy every one of them if I allow myself to take advantage of time and opportunity.

Sweet Freedom

This Independence Day, I'm reflecting on freedom. When you speak the word "freedom", it just feels good. Maybe everything that embodies the word pours out from your soul when you say it, so that in that instant you actually, truly feel the essence of what it is to be free. As I'm writing this I'm thinking that's a good exercise to use when you're feeling stressed out or feel negativity hanging over your head. Just speak or think the word freedom, and it will take you to place of positivity. You can envision whatever freedom brings to mind or means to you, and escape it all. Today my vision has me feeling light and floating on air just above the treetops, drifting into the blue skies with the sun beaming on me and the breeze gently blowing by. Other days I see myself on a lounge chair by a beautiful pool in a tropical locale, or laying in the embrace of beautifully vibrant, green grass without a care in the world. There are so many places we can escape to in our minds to evoke the feeling of freedom. This exercise could also be used to start your meditation. The important thing to remember is that freedom is a state of mind. And if we can transcend everything that's going on in our lives, to attain that mindset, then every day we can claim our inalienable rights of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", and every day can be our Independence Day!

Parenting Angst: Ready or Not, Your Kids Need You

Being a parent is a serious job, one that many people are not prepared to undertake. Even at the age of 28 when I gave birth to my daughter I was not completely ready. I was in a transitional state, having just decided to leave my job in the restaurant business and embark on a career in nursing. I was about to go to college again and start all over again, going to school 9-5, Monday through Friday, full-time. It was a time when I was consumed by what was going on with my studies, and my deteriorating relationship with my husband. Not the best time to be nurturing someone who looked to me for her every need. And although it was rough, I made it through that year of school. Thankful for the help of my parents and friends I met in school, I was able to graduate a very intensive program while having actually picked up some knowledge along the way.

But then came the next year of working the night shift, falling asleep while driving home (until I learned to pick up some Dunkin' Donuts to keep me awake), and falling asleep some more after getting home and trying to entertain my daughter at the same time. I wondered if I was doing her a disservice, if I was being there for her the way a mother really needed to be. Was she feeling neglected? Was she going to turn out alright? Was I doing enough for her?

And then came my late quarter life crisis. I knew I needed change in my life and was in search of the happiness that had seemed to elude me during the years of my on-again, off-again marriage. I was caught up in redefining myself and the things that were important to me personally. I was coming into a period of a new mindset that I had never explored before. There were questions swirling in my mind that I desperately needed to answer. And there was my daughter, just a toddler, who had her own very vital needs. As I grasped at straws to find answers for myself, she was also reaching out for my love and attention. Was I able to provide her with, not just her basic needs of food, clothing and shelter, but fulfill her desire to be secure and feel loved as well? "What about the long term effects on her self-esteem, confidence and self-worth?" asked my inner psychologist.

I think every parent has these concerns for their child. Parenthood is a constant balancing act between taking care of your children's needs and devoting time to yourself. I always tell people to put off having children until they have gotten to live their lives as adults. Self discovery is something that everyone needs the time and opportunity to do. And most of us don't even realize we need to do that until we've gone through some major life experiences. When we have children and/or settle down early on, it can become even harder to do that. But sometimes things happen on a different timeline than we plan for. And obviously, as in my case, even when you think you're close to the age when you're ready to have children, life can surprise you. There will always be times of change and growth, throughout each of our lifetimes. So even what seems to be the optimal time, may prove not to be. I know that many parents are also concerned about the environment in which they are raising their children. I certainly understand this and have thought about it myself. We think that it would be so much better if we could raise our kids in a nicer house, in a suburban area, if we had a better job that would allow us to afford some of the better things in life. And yes, all of those things would be great. And in striving to reach the next level in our lives, at times the essence of parenting gets lost.

I say all of this to make a point: Regardless of the circumstances we're in when we become parents, if we can find ways to take the time and instill certain basic things in our children, that foundation will carry them through life, and sustain them even during the times when we are preoccupied. The most integral thing we can do, is to do our absolute best with what we have. Infuse the moments you have with your child with as much quality as possible. There are many times when I step outside myself and say I need to be doing more. No one is perfect in life. What we all need to do is strive to do our best - be the best you possible, as an individual and as a parent. If you find yourself slipping, at least you realized it. You can take that moment to make a change and be more attentive or involved.

What really matters most is what you give your kids on a personal level - the time you spend, the games you play, the lessons you teach, the experiences you allow them to have for themselves, the wisdom you pass on, the love you show and share. More than anything else, those are the things that will shape the lives of your children. Those are the things they will be able to look back on and smile about. Those are the things that they will cherish more than anything...and they will know that all of it has molded them into the beautiful person they have become. Give your children every little bit of yourself, and they become a truer version of themselves and in turn pass it on and give every little bit of themselves to the world. They will never be afraid to shine their light, and they will illuminate the world.

Forward Focus

I won't look back there,
to the drama knocking at my door
won't cast a glance i swear,
won't allow my chin to graze my collarbone,
cuz back there's chaos,
and oh my god,
i don't want it any more,
my eyes are fixed forward...
i stand quietly waiting
all the blessings to come,
the universe in my favor,
my prize will be won...
my zen awaits me,
full awareness is near,
life's purpose fulfilled,
my nirvana is here.....

Thanks In Advance 2010!!!

I want to start out the New Year by saying thank you to it! Just like thanking someone in advance for their cooperation, in the hopes that they will actually do so, I'm thanking 2010 in advance because I KNOW that wonderful things are coming my way this year. I am claiming it - and in the cheesy words of Jesse Jackson, "If you believe it, you can achieve it" (lol). But it's true. I am the key to achieving my own destiny. The universe sets things up and I play them out with the choices I make along the way.

While 2008-2009 seemed to be all about play, my 2009-2010 transition involved me working my butt off. I mean really what else is new in my Capricorn world...but when one of your jobs is based in your home, there's no escaping it. Especially when you have chocolate and cake orders to fill for Christmas - the holiday season is no joke.

I am very happy that I'm finally achieving my culinary goals. I put my pastry aspirations on the back burner in 2002, but thankfully I reached up high, took them off the shelf and dusted them off to create Jenn's Betcha Bottom Bakes! Check me out at www.jennofalltrades.net/jennsbbb.aspx. So my goal for 2010 is to build my baking business even more! Keep those party and holiday orders coming because I AM READY!!

Now don't think for a moment that baking will be my only focus. I'm going to keep amassing more skills to allow me to build my other business, The Family Garden. Helping to support babies and their families is my overall goal, and I'm determined to get there!!

And of course, my final and all-encompassing goal is personal growth. This is my continuous, never ending process to better myself - to be more true to myself, to be the mother my daughter needs me to be, to share more love, to have more fun, and live life to the fullest!! To be the ME I wish to see!! So thanks 2010, I'm loving you already!!!!

Halloween Happenings

I can't believe that it's been over a month since I posted something on my blog! I would say that I'm disappointed, but just because I haven't been writing don't think that I've been stagnant. I've been very busy with another one of my renaissance loves - baking and treat making!

I had a very prosperous Halloween season with my Chocolate Pretzel Lollipops. They were a big hit with both kids and adults! And in case you missed out, I will definitely be making them again for the Christmas Season - maybe even for Thanksgiving if I can find some designs I like, but so far I haven't seen anything fantastic. Anyway, here are some pics of the lollys I made. As of right now, I am in the midst of a cupcake brainstorming and baking frenzy. More pics to come!!

Positively Delusional??

Is looking on the bright side of things really bringing our society down? I just read an article on Newsweek.com which seems to say exactly that. The article, 'Positively Downbeat: Sometimes Happiness Isn't Everything' by Julia Baird, suggests that while rhetoric on the power of positive thinking has been on the rise in recent years, the number of Americans who are actually happy has declined. Apparently there have been studies which show that Europeans are getting happier, while Americans aren't.

Within her article, Ms. Baird quotes a new book by Barbara Ehrenreich called "Bright Sided: How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America". The book states that positive thinking equates to "mass delusion" and says that through positive thinking we are training ourselves to "overlook problems and blame ourselves for failures" and has "blinded us to inequality, incompetence and stupidity".

Instead of attributing all these things to the movement of positive thinking, why not look at the American culture for answers. Let's take a look at our society. Inequality has been a longstanding cornerstone of our democracy so it's no wonder it permeates our lives on so many levels, be it sexism, racism, ageism, classism, or xenophobia, Besides that we place so much emphasis on financial standings and material goods, on aesthetics and luxury items. Our country has been embroiled in difficult economic times over the past few years, and this casts a reflection on people's sense of well-being. We live in a climate where fear is propagated at every turn through the media. It seems that when you turn on the television, you either get a good dose of nonsense, or get shaken up by the latest horrific news story. People are electing to have plastic surgery more than ever (well at least before the recession hit). Obesity for both children and adults has been on the rise. Less people are getting married, and there are less lasting marriages than in the past. And while that is not a problem in and of itself, when you live in a society that has always promoted a married lifetyle, surely there are many unmarried people who are judging themselves based on their lack of a spouse. There is so much more to be said on what society deems to be important at the moment, or which values "the powers that be" decide to hold over our heads as the proper standard.

Could these be reasons for the lack of happy Americans? Maybe if we didn't put so much credence in things that don't determine true happiness, we would be able to focus on the things that will bring true happiness into our lives. Positive thinking does not mean that you should delude yourself into thinking that everything is great. It means looking at your circumstances, realizing what changes need to be made, and moving forward with the knowledge that you can overcome your problems. In a society that preys upon the negative thoughts and feelings of its citizens, positive thinking about ourselves and our life situations is a necessary lifeline. Instead of ridding ourselves of positivity, maybe that is exactly what we need right now, more than ever.

Shake Off That Cloud

I have been on a self-imposed blogging hiatus recently...in other words, I've had writer's block and a lot of stress, lol. Over the past 3 weeks I've had a multitude of events take place in my personal life that had me feeling down in the doldrums. (No it's nothing juicy people). I felt a cloud of negativity over me, was constantly feeling stressed out, and found myself getting angry and frustrated over other small things that came up along the way. I had allowed the course of events to push me off my axis, and away from the positive space I had found within. A lot of times when one thing is going wrong for me, it seems as if everything is going wrong, and I tend to take on a fatalistic mentality. Although in this case, everything that could wrong, really was going wrong. Lol.

Thankfully somewhere during that time I met a nice Indian gentleman and had a wonderful conversation about spirituality. He recommended a few books to me and invited me to his home to meet his guru. The whole incident really struck me because he happened to be the grandfather of one of my patients, and I often try to keep things on an impersonal level. But I felt as if he could see into my soul somehow, and so the conversation opened up and immediately traveled into the spiritual realm. I could feel his wisdom and tranquility, and felt the deep caring and generosity of his spirit. I believe that there is no such thing as simple coincidence, and as we spoke I knew that our discussion would have an impact on my life in some way.

I was perusing my local bookstore a few weeks later, and as I stood to leave, one of the books he mentioned was there staring me in the face and I had to buy it. The book is called "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" by Robin Sharma. I felt as if I was destined to read the book, and as I turned it's pages I realized that it was exactly what I needed in that moment. It is written as a fable and tells the story is of a high profile lawyer who has a heart attack and gives up everything in search of enlightenment. After living amongst a group of sages in the Himalayas, he comes back to America to share the wisdom that was passed along to him with a close colleague. The "monk" passes along many lessons he learned with the sages, and suggests practices you can incorporate into your life to become more centered. It echoed the words of some books I have read in the past, and helped to renew my spirit. I ended up with a fresh perspective on my current situation. One quote in particular was very timely - "Thoughts are bundles of energy and the quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life." Very simple, but apparently I had left my common sense behind. I recommend this book to anyone who has just begun their journey or someone who may have gone off a bit off course.

Even though the universe may throw negative circumstances our way, the way in which we handle the events can make a big difference in the way we experience those situations. If we look at things as if there is nothing we can do to change the conditions in our lives, we end up feeling helpless sometimes. I believe in fate and destiny, but my belief is that fate is interactive. I feel that within our fate is a series of forked roads and how our lives unfold depends on which course of action we take in dealing with a particular problem. There is always choice. Just like a "Choose Your Own Adventure Book", it is up to each individual to select their path. And we can choose to deal with unfortunate situations in a happy way or in an upset and depressed way. I would definitely say that the former option feels much better. I have come across poor, homeless, and sick, cancer ridden individuals who walk around with a pleasant and hopeful disposition. So I too should be able to carry my burdens with a smile on my face. And while it may seem that there is nothing to smile about, simply being alive is enough, isn't it. Maybe those people who are riding out the bad times with a smile, have found fortune in their misfortune. By this I mean, maybe they have found the lesson in the midst of what they are going through, maybe they have found joy in the other things that are going right for them. Maybe just to be alive, and to breathe and to bring the best of themselves to every day is enough. We cannot let fate rule us; we rule our fate. And how we handle what the universe gives us can further determine what will come our way. "The only limits on your life are those that you set yourself" -The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

Catalyst for Change

Today I was talking to a coworker about her daughter going off to college for her freshman year. She was a shy girl and didn't know anyone at her school so her mom was worried about her. That made me think back to when I first went off to school. In high school I had been shy and introverted, always known as the nice, quiet bookworm. Those who knew me well were aware that I could be loud and opinionated at times. I was so happy when it was time to go off to college, because the people there didn't know anything about me and I could overcome the labels I had been given. I could reinvent myself.

We don't have to wait for these types of situations to arise in order to make a change in ourselves. We can reinvent ourselves every day! There are things that we may recognize within ourselves, that we don't really like and would like to change. Oftentimes we get used to acting and reacting the way we always have. We get stuck in a comfort zone. But if we are able to look at ourselves and realize that a change needs to be made, why not go one step further and try to put that change into action - make it real. If there is something you've always wanted to do, go out and do it! If there is a talent you've always wanted to explore, go for it! If there is a habit you need to break, go cold turkey, or make gradual steps to rid yourself of the behavior. If there is a real you living inside that you've been afraid to show, then feel free to let that other side of you creep out into your daily life! It is such a freeing feeling to reinvent yourself. It brings inspiration, motivation, and gives new life to every thing you do.

Sometimes we are concerned about what others will think of us if we allow other facets of our personality to come to the surface. Sometimes we don't pursue something due to a fear of failure, and other times we don't go forward for fear of success. But whatever the reason, freedom is one step away - and it is up to you to take that step. Even if it is a baby step, it is a step in the right direction.

I have to leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Stilettos...Size 3-6 Months???

What is going on in the world today?? Ok, I'm a little late getting this out there but about a week ago I read about a disturbing item that is new to the children's market: high heels for babies... Yes you read that correctly! It sounds too ridiculous to be true but I am not making this up! Apparently the shoes are not made to be walked in since the heels collapse when the baby stands upright in them. So this is all for the sake of baby fashion! The fashion industry is already designed so that a mother and child could be wearing the same outfit; but now they are taking it to babies?? And this was started by two moms who were reminiscing about the good old days when their children were babies. And when they threw in their personal shoe fetishes, this is what they came up with. They are sold in leopard satin print, hot pink patent, black satin, zebra satin, black patent and hot pink satin, and come in a little see through “runway bag” with a rhinestone clasp on it. Why? Why? Why? I don't think this is cute - at all. Ok, maybe for a costume party and that is stretching it, but never at any other point in time.

But this brings up the issue of letting kids be kids. Why are we trying to make our babies into adults. They don't need to dress like us or do anything that adults do really...not at this point in their lives. Let babies concentrate on the task of eating, sleeping, learning to crawl, walk, and talk. Do we need to teach our children to be fashion-conscious straight out of the womb? Is it necessary to pass on fashion fetishes and consumerism to our young so early on? I guess it's an individual choice, but it's one that I will opt out of.